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Ancient Mariners
Please enjoy this amusing tale from Captain Mike's downloadable E-Book
about eccentric captains and piratical bosuns whom he
met and sailed with in his 50 years at sea...
 "Captain Fished From Malacca Strait" It's a shortish hop down the Malacca Strait between Penang and Singapore. The Strait is busy nowadays, but was positively heaving with ships 50 years ago, and this turned out to be very fortunate for one British captain He'd been banished by his company to ply forever between the oil port at Miri, in Sarawak, and Penang Island, off the Malaysian coast, in a small coastal tanker - back and forth, year in year out. It was called “The Miri Go Round”. The Flying Dutchman would have understood; the sameness of the run must have been soul destroying. In that hot, sweaty, smelly little ship the captain found nightly solace in Gordon's finest in his hutch of a cabin adjoining the wheelhouse. He used to relieve himself into the sea from the starboard bridge wing, balanced precariously atop the sidelight lantern box. Late one dark night, as usual he pee'd, over the side after a good few snorts. After finishing, he blearily waggled his John Thomas about for a bit, then, instead of stepping back and down to the deck, he stepped forward, launching himself into space, and smack into the Malacca Strait. His absence was not noticed until the mate went to call him for arrival Penang the following morning. Meanwhile one very drunk and extremely angry captain roared and thrashed around in the Strait, scaring hell out of the jellyfish, tying sea snakes into reef knots and taking bites out of innocent passing sharks. An alert lookout on the foc'sle of a Danish ship heard the commotion and called the bridge. Our captain was fished out of the sea and, white socks round his ankles, epaulettes askew and uniform shirt and shorts slopping water all over the place, escorted to the Danish captain on his bridge. “Good evening, sir,” said the Danish Captain politely, “Could you tell me, please, which ship you came off?” Our captain fixed him with a belligerent, gin-fuelled glare. “Ship?” he snarled. “Ship! What the bloody hell makes you think I came off a ship??!!”
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